My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
