He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
