Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
