my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
