so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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