can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
