Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
