i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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