When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
