I love black thongs
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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