i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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