party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
