OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
