My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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