I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
