Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
