I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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