He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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