i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
