I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
