she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
