The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
