Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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