why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
