i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
