i just wanna soil my oats bro
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
