I must be too annoying 4 u.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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