Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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