I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
