you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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