he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize