i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
