Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
