It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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