my phone needs a breathalizer
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
