You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
