Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
