I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
