I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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