first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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