i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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