how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
