i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
