I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
