Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
