don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
