Don't make out with my wife yet
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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