I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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