Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
