a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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