You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
