She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
