we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
