im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
