I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
