it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you inspire me to be a worse person
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
