no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
