I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
