Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
