Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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