so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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