I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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