take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
