Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
His nipple licking is glorious
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