I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
