Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
