What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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