sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
