i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
