what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I checked into jail on foursquare
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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