on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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