I need to stop coming to work sober
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
